How?

HOW? -A Perspective Piece about Euthanasia
by Dan Wilkins

The door closes
And in the still and silence of my office
The roll of the chair
Creaks and cricks the hardwood floor.
My son, not Two
From the distance
Squeals!
And I mean Squeeels with delight!

Running on stubby, falling forward legs,
Hands still raised for balance,
He knows I'm here.
He knows I'm home.

Suitcase down.
Briefcase down.
Car keys down.
Shoulders aching from the drive.
Ears still popping from the flight.
I drink in the color and smell of home
And I wait.

I await the smile and the touch
that mean so much
and instantly, magically melt
to the “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy”
Thumping closer,
Thumping louder,
Thumping faster
Through the kitchen and the hall.

Knowing nothing of inertia
He turns the corner
With the grace of an Albatross;
Like a cartoon.
With an Ert, Ert, Ert,
Of skidding foot
And groaning concentration,
He barely misses the Jade
And slams into my knees
With a slap of meaty hands
And a triumphant “Ahhh” of teeth
and wild hair.

I bend down close to smell his head.

How do I tell him...
This beautiful boy?
This Beautiful, breathless, excitable boy,
That tonight I'll hold and put to bed
When all is said,
And all are fed and done.

How could I tell him.

How will I ever tell him
That to some in this world
I am not worthy.

That to some in this world
I'm quite expendable.

That there are those in this world
Who do not know me
(not like he does)

That there are those in this world
Who do not see me
(not like he does)

That there are those in this world
Who would rather have me dead

Than Dad.