Renovations

After reading last month's article, I have had people ask me “where was Christian's dad during all this mayhem?”. The answer to that is easy; he was at home wielding a hammer, a screwdriver, a wrench or whatever else was required to make our home wheelchair friendly.

When Christian suffered his injury he was living with us, in our two-storey split home, with multiple levels. His bedroom was upstairs. The bathroom was upstairs--granted there was a half bath on the entrance level, but it was too small for a wheelchair. There were steps to our front and back doors. He knew none of the “Tricks of the Trade”; although, he was eager to learn. He was also extremely eager to get out of the hospital, which caused Peter and me to panic—how would we accommodate him? We were both working full time and visiting the hospital every day. There was no time to make our home wheelchair friendly.

Firstly, let me assure you, no matter how inconvenient that home may be, your child probably prefers it to the hospital. Secondly, and this continues to be our family's motto, if there's a will, there's a way .

Once Christian was in rehab, we met with physiotherapists, occupational therapists and social workers, all provided by the hospital to assist with Christian's transition home. These were wonderful, well-meaning people, but to be honest, they weren't all that helpful when it came to what changes would be required to make our home accessible. My advice is, as with everything, each individual is different. There were things that Christian had difficulty with initially, that he quickly mastered. We made a few changes that were probably unnecessary, but seemed so at the time.

We were very fortunate in a number of respects. Peter is an extremely handy and creative guy. We did not have to wait for a contractor to get to us on his lengthy list. Another bonus, Peter works at SAIT, the technical college here in Calgary, and there were many skilled and generous people who offered us their assistance and time. Although our house was inconvenient in some ways, there was a den/fourth bedroom on the entrance level, and the half bath backed onto it. Take out a wall, put in a door, extend a wall, put in a tub--and there you have an en suite! Obviously it wasn't that easy, but it happened.

This also reminds me to mention the kindnesses that were showered upon us. When people offer their help, they mean it—accept it graciously. Our neighbours quickly realized that there was a problem with the front steps. They offered to build a ramp. Peter bought the lumber, and they had it built in one day. It's still there, as solid as ever, a monument to their benevolence and ingenuity.

At that time Christian was working in the Faculty of Engineering at the University of Calgary. When his colleagues realized that he could not access the kitchen, living room and dining room due to three steps, they designed and built a hydraulic lift. It's ingenious; although, it may not pass safety regulations. As Christian no longer lives here and needs to use it regularly, it has been loaned to a lady who had a stroke.

An example of over-doing it was when we bought a gas stove, with the knobs at the front and a fridge with the freezer at the bottom. Now I love the shiny new appliances, but really, what were we thinking? Christian didn't cook before his accident, why did we think he would after? That brings me to another issue. There are two very good reasons not to overdo things. Some things that appear difficult initially, become easier with time. Don't rush into spending money on changes that you may not require. And how long will you require them? If you spend a small fortune, then your child will feel guilty when it's time to move out and make a life on his/her own. I have seen families make huge changes to their homes when a teen-ager is injured. Don't make your child feel that he is required to stay with you because he is indebted.

Christian's first home after moving out was an apartment condo. He made no changes at all. Now he owns a house and has built a number of access ramps--and that's it. Some will need more than that, but not all. So, welcome your child home, and make them as comfortable as possible. Just remember that not everything will be needed forever, except of course your love and support.