Life… Through A Kaleidoscope

by Yasir H. Khan

For some, life is copious while for others life is an earnest reality. Every now and then you will read in newspaper about a certain person committing suicide but on the other page you will read stories where people have transcended themselves to greater heights despite all odds. I won’t call my life a success story rather it has always been changing patterns just like a kaleidoscope which changes patterns when shaken, however the colours which I see through my kaleidoscope of life are hopes, desires, flaws, emotions and mishaps.

I am Yasir Hayat Khan, a twenty nine year old, male working for Association for the Rehabilitation of Physically Disabled (ARPD), NWFP Pakistan since August 2007. Besides that I am also a non practicing lawyer. Mostly I am interested in writing and poetry and it’s the pivot around which my hobbies revolve. Other than writing my hobbies are watching sports, reading and listening to music. After getting my early education, I graduated in Law and Political Science then followed it up with Bachelor of Laws (LL. B) and Masters in Political Science from Peshawar University.

Basically I am from Nowshera, which is situated about 40 kilometers to the West of Provincial Capital Peshawar, it’s a district of North West Frontier Province. I dwell with my parents along with three siblings, two out of my three sisters are married. We live in a joint family system where my father is the titular head. Nowshera is a semi-urban town having a few pre-colonial buildings too.

I was born with a congenital condition called “Muscular Dystrophy (MD)”; it’s a neurological, genetic (without any family history in my case) progressive disease in which all muscles of the body deteriorate with the passage of time, until a stage comes when one has to be confined to a wheel chair. I was diagnosed with “Duchaine Type Muscular Dystrophy (DMD)” in 1986 through a Biopsy conducted on my left leg. It was a big shock for my parents as they perfectly knew the consequences of having such a disease. My muscles also deteriorated with the passage of time and I became wheel chair bound when sixteen. Accepting that I can no longer walk was the most difficult hurdle that I had to overcome, and it took me a long time to swallow the bitter reality. My parents must have gone through a dolorous phase as I perfectly remember the tear that was floating in my father’s eye when he helped me sit in the wheel chair for the very first time. More than anything it was the mourning of losing my ability to walk which keeps me pensively hooked. I remember walking and running around with other kids that I enjoyed to some extent in my childhood but now I walk in reverie.

Now I had to recuperate and adapt myself to the changed circumstances, to quell down my pessimism and find someone inside who could effuse the confidence to live on and I had to bring my self out of the forlornly shell that surrounded me in late teen age. It was Maria Robinsons quote that stirred me on, brought me out of despondency and gave me a new push in life. She said,” Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” That was the new beginning when I started getting my confidence back; here I would also pay homage to our college Principal Sir. Baqi Siddique who brought back that missing confidence in me, he created ramps in the college building, gave me the most easily accessible class room and place for my wheel chair and above all he gave me the courage to face the world, to dig out the abilities which I possessed and to look beyond my disability.

More than anything it was the change in attitude towards my disability that purged my outlook. John N. Mitchell said that “Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us” and certainly I wanted to conquer life rather than life dictating its terms on me. I am quoting Charles R. Swindoll, who said “Attitude to me, is more important than facts… The remarkable thing is we have a choice… We cannot change our past… we cannot change the inevitable. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.” My life started changing like my attitude, it became my credence that God has created us and he gives burdens to those who have the power to carry it, may be because of their bravery or because of their strength. He chose me to carry the burden of disability, may be because I am stronger, brave or have got many more abilities. It’s the ability that counts. For every ability that is missed, you gain many more. It is just a matter of finding them and believing in them.

After realizing my abilities, I started excelling in my studies. I did my graduation with refulgent colours, completed my LL. B by toping all the three years at university and did my Masters with utmost of ease. But that was not all, I wanted more. I found greatest effervescence in doing what people said you can not do. They said you can not go to university; I did, they said you can not do LL. B; I did, they said you can not face the world; I did, they said your disability won’t let you achieve success; I did. Its not what the world perceives, its you who has to prove the world wrong. Difficulties will come as its part of life, look at an oak tree that grows in strong winds or look at diamonds that are created under tons of rock, one must remain steadfast to his goals and enjoy the pleasure of success when it comes.

The most important thing I have learned is to be optimistic. Optimism is very important while nurturing a disability because God showed me a new way, every time I was stopped by a road block. When one door closes, a better one opens. One has to use his brain in a positive way, it is our mind that can cripple us or energize. Don’t ever despair. Many successes may come from seeming failures. In my case failures have taught me far better than success ever could. Michael Korda in his book How to Achieve Success has said that, “You have to want to get it, and you have to realize that if others can, so can you.” People have achieved much more in much worst condition. I have learned never to quit, as long as there’s hope the world is in our hands but if we lose hope then we are left stranded alone and no one cares. It’s us who chose our destiny. I know walking again is next to impossible for me but I can always hope as hoping isn’t impossible.

I always knew that hard work will eventually pay off and my academic qualifications won’t get wasted. Thanks to Mr. Ghulam Qadir (President ARPD), Sibghat ur Rehman (Secretary ARPD) and Saira Qadir (Assistant Director) who gave me propitious opportunity to work for them and prove my mettle. It’s not the end though; I want to pursue my carrier in civil services or in legal services along with working for ARPD. ARPD is not only working for the rehabilitation of physically disabled but also working to disseminate information amongst ordinary people and to educate them about issues relating to disability. Today I feel very satisfied to work for my own community and for my own people.

As I said in the prologue, I have seen my life through a kaleidoscope. The images are composed of hopes, desires, emotions, flaws and mishaps. These feelings can be construed in words like flaws of my body, mishap of my disability, hopers of a better tomorrow, desires of being able to earn for my self and to be a source of pride to my parents, siblings and loved ones, emotions of joy and despair, of love and hate, of frustration and anger, and of desperation. Despite all this I have remained focused and trying to create my own images. The journey is still on and a long road ahead. I will reach destiny with the light of hope showing me the way.

In the journey of life never despair,

Let hope be the light, courage your measure,

Envisage you goal and never give in,

Destiny is not far, stride with a grin.

For feedbackyasirhkhan@gmail.com

The Association for the Rehabilitation of Physically Disabled came into being in December, 1985. Its mission is to provide and promote rehabilitation services to the people with disabilities, particularly in remote villages, city slums and sub-urbs, where these services are hardly available and least accessible.

Muscular dystrophy refers to a group of genetic, hereditary muscle diseases that cause progressive muscle weakness. Muscular dystrophies are characterized by progressive skeletal muscle weakness, defects in muscle proteins, and the death of muscle cells and tissue.

Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD) is a form of muscular dystrophy that is characterized by decreasing muscle mass and progressive loss of muscle function in male children. This disorder is caused by a mutation in a specific gene within the X chromosome that provides instructions for the formation of the dystrophin protein, an important structural component of muscle tissue. Females can be carriers but generally do not experience the symptoms of the condition.

A biopsy (in Greek: βίος life and όψη look/appearance) is a medical test involving the removal of cells or tissues for examination. The tissue is generally examined under a microscope by a pathologist, and can also be analyzed chemically (for example, using PCR or gas chromatography techniques).

Maria Robinson is a graduate of the Writing Seminars at Johns Hopkins University (BA, 1998). Her fiction has appeared in NFG Magazine, Pindeldyboz, The Duck & Herring Co.'s Pocket Field Guide, and Spork. She is currently living in Berlin, Germany.

John Newton Mitchell (1913-1988)

U.S. public official. A prominent attorney in New York City, he practiced with Richard Nixon after their firms merged in 1967. In 1968 he managed Nixon's successful presidential campaign. As U.S. attorney general (1969 – 72)

Charles Rozell "Chuck" Swindoll (1934) is an evangelical Christian pastor, author, educator, and radio preacher.

Michael Korda (1933) is a novelist who was Editor-in-Chief of Simon & Schuster in New York City.